Hot Date Friday

Our First Date

At EFY, it's inevitable. Someone is going to ask how we met. Or how we fell in love. Or about our first kiss. Well, we may not be the type to kiss and tell...

For those of you hopeless romantics {or the scientific few who enjoy learning about love stories in an effort to construct some understanding of that hazy phenomena called marriage} here is the story of the first time Sir John and Lady Brooke went on an official first date:

Christmas vacation had just begun at BYU. A fine chap had stopped by one evening to meet a fair maiden. The night went well. Conversation was smooth. There was more to talk about. So, he stopped by her humble abode (read: nappy off-campuse housing) the next morningand asked if she'd enjoy an ice skating session that eve. She thought that sounded like a very handsome way to spend her twilight hours. However, two of her little sisters (love you, Britt and Mugs) were visiting. It would be unmannerly to leave them along. She tried to turn down the offer. He persisted. The sisters could come. She sighed {happily} and gave in to his mesmerizing ways. The entire group of them John, Brooke, and little tagalongs enjoyed a black, chilly skate under the stars.

Truth be told, it was rough going for the lady. {She was born sans coordination.} But, the gentleman John skated circles around her {literally} and in no time at all, she'd determined--frozen fingers or no--it was dizzying admiration for this boy.

He held her hand. She held it back. He smiled. She batted eyelashes. He asked if she'd like to go out again the next night. She replied, "Why yes. Why yes indeed," trying not to sound too anxious.

And that next night? Well, it may have something to do with a dainty smooch.

But we'll never tell.

To Do: Get a Date Tonight

Late Date Friday

So sorry for the massive delay in postings! It's been a busy week at the McLay home.

We didn't want to miss out on an opportunity to celebrate Hot Date Friday. So...though it's Tuesday, here is a recent Q&A from one of our WONDERFUL readers...


I love my friends. Not bragging, but I have alot of them, and alot of them tend to be boys. They say they feel comfortable around me. Fantastic. I've had feelings for this friend for a time now, but as of late we have become the best of friends. I have never had a friendship like this, where we are both completely honest with our feelings and talk about everything under the sun. We have both expressed that we have had interest in eachother at one time or another, and even talked about the possibility of dating. We go on dates and spend alot of time together, until he announced that he feels even though we were never "officially" dating, he wants to date other people.He actually said he wanted to see me dating someone else to see how it made him feel. I don't know what to do! He still wants to spend time with me as a best friend and relies on me for alot, but I have outsiders telling me that I need to cut the cord- take a break-not even talk for a spell. The thought of that almost KILLS me, seeing as how he is my best friend right now. We are both at a "marriage-worthy" age and I see great potential with him, and we have even talked about how we are both convinced it is a timing issue. Great. When all is said and done, he is wonderful. But is it worth all of this drama?!

Timing is such a peculiar thing. Isn’t it? I think many young adult men (and gals) use timing as the gentle way to say, “I’m just not interested.” Now. There are certainly times when a bit of a delay changes a relationship for the better. But, more often than not, it’s just a soft way to encourage a break up.
In my professional {read: experience from the long-ago dating years} opinion, I would suggest that you take his cue as an invitation to go looking for someone who is more interested in seeing you as marriage material than just someone to pal around with. You want to get married. So you’ve got to stop wasting your time with someone who is playing games, and start seriously searching for the gem of a guy who is interested in playing house.

It will hurt. Yes. You’ll be lonely without his companionship and listening ear. But, it will hurt more to look back on the time together as lost time you could have spent searching for an eternal companion. That said, I may I suggest that you just raise the stakes by anteing up everything you have in a high-honesty conversation with your chum. Just put it out there to him. Say, “I get that you want to be friends. I was hoping for more. So, if you’re ever interested in wooing me—really wooing me—you have my number. Otherwise, I’m off on my merry way to find Mr. Right.” And, while your at it, find a few good girlfriends to keep you company during your search. You’ll never have to lose them, even after you marry your hunka-hunka burning love. ~Sis. M

Any Thoughts?

We'd love to hear. Post a comment, or email us at

mclayfamily@msn.com

Also...

Hot Date Friday!

For those of you who have been waiting...wait no more!

Here's a GORGEOUS dance picture of Brother McLay...

and the worst-ever dance photo of Sister McLay...

Coming Soon...

We answer a YSA dating question & give you an update on our At-Home-Homecoming.

Love to All! ~Sister McLay

Anti-Wall Flower

Perhaps I am passionate about high school dances because I was asked to so very few of them. Maybe I'm just a starry-eyed romantic (even now that I'm ancient-old and in my thirties.)

Whatever it is, I love dances. I just absolutely adore them. The dresses! The hair! The excitment of actually being asked and having plans and being on the arm of some wholesome hunk (or good-guy-friend. Equally wonderful!).

And so...I squealed with DELIGHT tonight when one of Brother McLay's students called to ask if we would host homecoming at our house this year.

You see, a few years ago in these parts, a group of LDS youth were fed up with the nastiness of school dances. So they decided to put on their own dance at a location of their choosing (usually a home of one of the boys, or...the seminary teachers home--HOORAY!). The tradition has carried on with some groups attending the school dances, and a few banding together to create a shindig of their very own. Hurrah! Next Friday, we will joyously don our sequined duds, and open up our basement to a few fine-looking couples for an evening of toe-tapping bliss. Won't that be fun?

In these parts, as well, some of the fine young gentlemen who are asking young ladies to the dance (Tangent: boys. ASK THE GIRLS. We don't care if you have to wear blue jeans and a scout-camp t-shirt to save your hard-earned cash--we just want a date. Seriously. It makes a girls MONTH to be asked to a dance. So, puh-lease ask. End tangent.) ask with all the fanfare of a fourth of july parade. And, the girls get to answer back creatively, too.

We recently recieved a question from one of these adorable young ladies, who was looking for a creative way to answer back. And so, in honor of Homecoming, we post a few ideas for asking & answer for you...

Hi McLay's! i am going crazy! I was asked to homecoming and i don't know how to say yes. I'm going to reply on his birthday and he asked me with a bear! AH! if you have any ideas could you send them to me? Thank you!

Oh, joyful question. There are so many ideas.Here are a few...

(The GOT-CA$H Option)-Build him a bear from Build-A-Bear. They have a voice option where you can record your voice & then put it inside the bear. You could record your answer & deliver it to him in the Build-A-Bear 'houses' that each new bear is tucked inside.

(The Oh-How-Cute Option) Make & decorate cupcakes for one of his classes. Have the teacher pass them out to him just like they used to do in Elementary School. Have one cupcake that was made just for him. In this one, bake a piece of paper that says "YES" inside the cupcake. To do this, just write it on a small piece of paper with permanent marker, fold it carefully into a small piece of tin foil--make sure you seal the edges really well- then pour half of the cupcake batter, place the little tag in the batter, the finish filling the cupcake cup. Bake as usual, frost as usual, and just remember which one is his.

(The Cheap & Easy Option) Get a box of Teddy Grahams crackers. Before giving it to him, carefully open the box and stick a note inside. Reseal the box, and wrap it up with a note. For instance: "Hoping Homecoming brings you a beary fun date."

(The 'If You Had Enough Time' Option) You know that book, "Going On A Bear Hunt?" Well...you could send him on a "bear hunt" for the answer, using the book text. Send him to different classrooms or places at school, looking for clues or send him to different people in the ward, etc. At the end of the hunt, leave a bag of cinnamon bears with a note that says, " Going to homecoming with you sounds like a 'beary' 'HOT' date. I'm in!" (

(The Quick-A-Roo Option) Leave a bag of gummy bears with the teachers in each of his classes. The teacher would give him the bag, and each bag would have a letter that spells out your answer. To stretch the answer to an all-day thing, spell out something other than "YES." Perhaps, "4 S-U-R-E" or "L-O-V-E T-O" or "Y-E-S-S-I-R" would work.

And now...two BONUS ideas from Brother McLay.

(And, yes, ladies. Boys will be boys)

• Deliver a small plant to your date with a note that says: "I'd wet my plants to join you at the dance."
• Slice several very small slits in a 50 pound bag of flour. Slip tiny pieces of (thick) paper into the flour, then carefully reseal. Leave all pieces of paper blank except for one, on which you'll write your answer. Deliver bag to date with a note that says, "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, this flour holds an answer that is meant just for you." Let the fun begin.

We want to hear from you!

How have you creatively asked or answered someone to a dance?

Post your ideas as a comment

OR

Send them to us at

mclayfamily@msn.com

We'll keep post a list of your ideas throughout the week

~and~

Stay Tuned...

You might just see some BE-A-U-tiful dance pics of Brother & Sister McLay from way back when we were young'uns!

Happy Friday Night! We Love You!

~Sis. McLay

Forgive the Computer Issues

It took a flooded basement, a shorted out telephone wire, and a good portion of our weekend to throw the first Fount Of Youth contest into a dither, but we're back on track now.

THANK YOU to those of you brave enough to share your dating ideas. We'd love to have your questions, and look forward to more giveaways in exchange for your great advice.

Without further adieu, we've chosen our contest winners! Congratulations to Aleisha and Chase for their thoughtful, well-articulated ideas for our dating dilemma.

Here are their responses...

Don't change what you're doing. Be a perfect gentleman and one day you will be blessed with a girl who is so glad you show such respect and such good manners. In the meantime, keep asking girls out and if they don't treat you right in return, simply look at it as a learning experience....that's what dating is anyway....and keep asking out the girls who appreciate your goodness. My guess is the girls rolling their eyes really do like your chivalry too. Who doesn't like being treated good? They just don't show it, and that's too bad. But we love nice boys!! Promise :D
~Aleisha

Be the best person you can be, you sound like a nice person and polite but you might be a little awkward. I have the same problem. What works for me is being myself and being confident in myself. And some girls are just too picky and judgmental, stay away from them! Ask people out who will accept who you really are, a good person. Also, the more you date, the less awkward you will get, so don't give up. Last of all, if there is something about yourself that even "accepting" girls don't like, change and make yourself a better person. However, if you are already a good guy, DO NOT make yourself a worse person just so the "judgmental" girls will have fun. Basically, Choose the right girls, stay righteous, be yourself and confident, and just have fun! ~Chase

Chase & Aleisha, email your mailing addresses to us at:

mclayfamily@msn.com

and we'll stick your T-shirts will be in the mail!

And...

We'd love to hear from the rest of you.

Please feel free to send along your dating dilemmas, mission announcements,and other thoughts or questions to us.

We Love You!

Brother & Sister McLay

mclayfamily@msn.com

Friday Manners

Want to show your date that you're an attentive listener? Perk up your...your ears, sure. But even more importantly, your...eyes.

Eye contact on a date is a simple way to show your date you care. When you turn your attention from all of your surroundings, and zero in on your companion, you're able to focus on them. This is good for them, and even better for you. A good look in the eye will tell you alot about a person.

"In the scriptures, the eye is often used as a symbol of a person’s ability to receive the light of God. Symbolically, a person’s eye also shows spiritual condition and an understanding of the things of God.

The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes, Ps. 19: 8. ...The light of the body is the eye, Matt. 6: 22 (Luke 11: 34; 3 Ne. 13: 22; D&C 88: 67)...By the power of the Spirit our eyes were opened and our understandings enlightened, D&C 76: 12. The light is through him who enlighteneth your eyes, D&C 88: 11. If your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, D&C 88: 67. " (from: http://scriptures.lds.org/gs/e/45)

Do your date--and yourself--a favor, and look deeply into their eyes. You might just discover their soul.

Hot Date Idea!

Our First Contest Extended!

It occurred to us awfully late in the week that a good many of you want to get in on our contest, but can't leave a comment on the blogspot pages. NO WORRIES!

We've extended the deadline to tomorrow evening. Don't miss your chance to win one of two HOT EFY Counselor shirts.

To get in on the contest, simply email your answer to last Friday's Dating dilemma to Brother & Sister McLay at:

mclayfamily@msn.com

The Question:

My friends and I plan good, fun, group dates on lots of weekends. I try really hard to be a gentlemen to the young women I ask on the dates, but they sometimes seem unappreciative of the whole thing. When I opened the car door one time, my date rolled her eyes at her friend and giggled. And, sometimes I swear they'd rather talk to anyone else in the group but me. Girls always say they want a perfect gentlemen, but so many of them don't act like perfect ladies. How can I be a cool date without coming across as awkward or stiff or seeming strange?

We're excited to hear from you!

Our two favorite answers will be revealed tomorrow night...

Love,

Brother & Sister McLay

Win! Win! Win!

Sing a song for our first EVER fount of youth giveaway! Hooray!

Two lucky winners will recieve one of the above EFY counselor polo's from times past.

They're bright. They're bold. They're beautiful.

How to win...

Last week, we featured a YSA Hot Date Friday question. Today, there's one from the high school crowd. All we need you to do is....send along your best advice. Whether you're in high school, college, or long since turned gray, we'd love to hear from you. Post a comment with your advice and next Friday we'll reveal our two favorite answers to the question & send them one of these rock awesome polo shirts.

{and in case you're wondering...they are a guy's size Medium, so will fit boys and gals alike.}

the question:

My friends and I plan good, fun, group dates on lots of weekends. I try really hard to be a gentlemen to the young women I ask on the dates, but they sometimes seem unappreciative of the whole thing. When I opened the car door one time, my date rolled her eyes at her friend and giggled. And, sometimes I swear they'd rather talk to anyone else in the group but me. Girls always say they want a perfect gentlemen, but so many of them don't act like perfect ladies. How can I be a cool date without coming across as awkward or stiff or seeming strange?

Hot Date Friday!

Just a quick dating tip today for the ladies:

Shoes + Date {should NOT} = Pain.

No matter HOW adorable you might look in those new heels. No matter how spiffily your outfit coordinates in the sassy toe-pinchers. No matter how modelesque you feel making your grand entrance on your tiptoes. Uncomfortable shoes are not for a date. Strap on something cozy and kind, and focus on your date. Not your toes. Because, after all...

Nice Time + Date {often} = Another Nice Date

...and happy feet.

Time for Courting

Shortly after returning from my mission (Portugal Lisbon North, 1992-1994), my father sat me down for a heart-to-heart talk on dating. I only remember snippets of our conversation, as well as the feelings it left with me. One of the things I most remember is when my dad said, “Son, you are no longer in the dating game. Now, you are COURTING!” I think my first thought was, “Alright, dad, let’s break out the horse and buggy...I mean, who says ‘courting’ anymore!?”

He went on to explain to me that while in high school, I was dating for fun and for the lessons that can be learned in that environment. Now, he said, it’s time to get serious. “With your mission behind you, it’s time to look for an eternal companion; someone with whom you will spend the rest of your life and all eternity.” This, he explained, begins with dating but should eventually lead to courtship.

My dad gave me some more advice (some of it very specific), and I did my best to listen and to take it in. The counsel from my mission president, Gordon C. Peters, to prayerfully pursue the course of marriage and thereby fulfill my priesthood duty was still ringing in my ears. I knew I had work to do, and yet I still felt very awkward, socially. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go out on dates, let alone COURT someone!

This is why I felt a quite uncomfortable when my dad then told me that he had set me up with one of his former students for the coming weekend! My first post-mission date is going to be a blind date!? Well, I went on that date (which is another story for another time), and I didn’t die. I didn’t marry that girl, either. (Frankly, I believe I acted so ill at ease that she likely would not have accepted a second date…even if I had mustered the courage to ask!) But, I began the learning process; I began to change my focus from ‘hanging out’ to dating that leads to courting. There is a BIG difference.

In time, I began to feel more adjusted socially, and I met and courted some remarkable young women. I felt the Spirit guide me as I prayerfully made the most important decision of my life, and I was eventually led to Brooke Ann Ballif. In my personal journal, on Christmas Day in 1995, I recorded the following just a few days after meeting Brooke:

“I need to end this entry right now—it’s time for cake and ice cream. Before I close, however, I want to write down the person who most inspired this entry. Her name is Brooke—Brooke Ballif. I met her last week, and I can’t stop thinking about her. She is amazing. She is so kind, humble, intelligent, beautiful, funny, and Christ-like. She has really made an impression on me, and it’s one that I don’t think will wear off soon. I have dated several girls in the last little while, but none have made an impact on me like Brooke. I’m anxious to see what the future holds. I think she might be an answer to my prayers.”

The rest, as they say, is history. But ours is a history in the making. A history which, in at least in one sense, all started with some proper courting.

To the post-mission men, may I suggest trying your hand at courting. (No, I do not mean playing basketball—although I enjoy that, too.) In the words of Elder Oaks, “Men, if you have returned from your mission and you are still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to follow when you were 15, it is time for you to grow up” (CES Fireside for Young Adults, May 1, 2005). To the young single adult women, be patient with the men. Live worthy of a temple marriage, be prayerful, and don’t lose faith. As President Hinckley has said, “It all works out….It will all work out” (Jordan Utah South Regional Conference, Priesthood Session, 1 Mar. 1997).

Love,
Brother McLay

Hot Date Friday

Here's our Young Single Adult (YSA) question of the week.

If you have a dating dilemma, be sure to send it into Fount of Youth for a bit of unbeatable, sage advice!

It seems that young men (ages 22+) have forgotten how to go on a DATE for fun. They have fun going golfing or to movies, but it's with each other on what we sisters affectionately term "man dates." That said, what do I do with a 22-year-old socially awkward (in the most absolutely adorable way), workaholic ward clerk who claims he doesn't have time for anything but "man dates" with his best friend?

Signed, Waiting for a "Woman" Date

Dear Waiting,

There are all sorts of things I might say to the men. Okay, there is just one. Gals want to date. Plan a date. Ask a girl. Watch the fireworks (or at least THE FUN) fly.

That said, since you are asking what YOU as a woman can do, there are two options.

Number one. You've gotta send the signals more clearly. If you've detected the slightest hint of interest on his part, then the ball is in your court. Which means, you've gotta get yourself in the game. You know how they start professional ball games? The players don't sneak onto the court. They don't stand behind the basket and play "Is he looking at me?" No way. They arrive with fanfare. They state their names. They come to play, and they play well. Too many ladies enter the court with the presence of an amateur ballet understudy. They wait demurely offstage for a cue, and wonder why they haven't been motioned on court by the coach. In the meantime, everyone on the court is trying to understand what in the world the pink-toed ballerina is doing there, just a-waitin' in the wings of the arena.

The point is, you can't just sit there and wait for him to do everything, and you definitely can't pretend like your playing by dancing a lone ditty in the middle of the court. You've got to get in the game. State your name and get on the court. Speak the language of the sport. Talk the talk. And, in case you were wondering, talking the talk sounds like this: "Hey, you're going bowling with your friends this weekend? Do you have room for a girl in your plans? I'd love to come. " It does NOT sound like this, "Oh, Bowling with your friends? That sounds nice." Puh-lease don't make those poor boys decipher the 'signals' you are so unclearly sending. Save them the headache of translation. Speak their language. Show up to the game and tell them you want to play.

Number Two. You've gotta read the signals more clearly. If you've made a clear move, and the darling boy isn't interested, then let him go. That's it. He just wasn't interested or the timing isn't right or something of the sort. Go gracefully. Let him go gracefully. And get yourself back in the game. After all, there's a whole court of players looking for someone great like you to be on their team.

~Sister McLay

Hot Date Friday!

Whooty Whoo! The weekend has finally arrived. Hopefully you're looking forward to a few well-planned, cheap-but-fun group dates.

In anticipation of this mighty event, let's chat CELL PHONES.

There is one basic law-of-the-land for cell phone use during a date: DON'T.

Young Women. If your parents have asked you to take a cell phone on your date, in case of emergency, then you may use it IN CASE OF EMERGENCY. Otherwise, you're going to turn that little puppy on vibrate, and turn your attention to the handsome and thoughtful gentleman who has planned a fun evening JUST FOR YOU. On Vibrate!? Gasp! But, What if..? Nope. No what if's. Tuck your cell safely inside your purse, only to be seen by human eyes if (a) there is a call from your parents or (b) there is an EMERGENCY. And, ladies, the following absurd situations do not constitute emergencies:

1. Your very-best-friend-in-the-wide-universe is calling to let you know what color the grape Kool-aid actually turned her hair (Have no fear. Her hair will still be that same, cosmic color of blue-violet in the morning)


2. You get the sudden inspiration to share your phone-answering gifts. Look how many friends I have! See how many phone calls I can giggle about in a ten-minute period! (Wrong-o chica. How 'bout you use those ten minutes to show your fine gentleman just how talented a conversationalist you are by chatting with HIM...'So, Hank, do you always wear stripes and checks together? Tres chic!').


3. Your date has exited the car to check on restaurant reservations. Remember ladies, the dear boy is doing his best to entertain you. This is NOT the time to whip out the cell phone. Please, please, puh-lease NO tattling on him to the posse of girlfriends waiting to hear your greasy gossip (Instead, use that quiet moment in the car as an opportunity to be nice. Think up three compliments for your date and share them with him when he returns).

Young Men. All above rules apply to you, too. Though, there are a few exceptions. If you are running late...use the cell phone. If you need directions to your destination...use the cell phone. If dinner costs more than the $10 you made mowing lawns this week...well...you're gonna need more than a cell phone. Anyhow, the idea for you gentlemen is this: keep your cell phone accessible. Plop it in your pocket, turn it to vibrate, and use it with discretion. Should a situation arise where a quick call will allow you to take better care of your adorable date, then use it. Otherwise, tuck it away and no talky, no talky.

Okay, one more time, in a nutshell...There is a time and a place for cell phones. And there is a time and a place for dating. Rarely will those two entities ever cross orbits.

Ultimately, putting away your cell phone allows you to be a more thoughtful companion. Be respectful to your date. Give them your time and attention and you may just find you've made a great friend by date's end.