Time for Courting

Shortly after returning from my mission (Portugal Lisbon North, 1992-1994), my father sat me down for a heart-to-heart talk on dating. I only remember snippets of our conversation, as well as the feelings it left with me. One of the things I most remember is when my dad said, “Son, you are no longer in the dating game. Now, you are COURTING!” I think my first thought was, “Alright, dad, let’s break out the horse and buggy...I mean, who says ‘courting’ anymore!?”

He went on to explain to me that while in high school, I was dating for fun and for the lessons that can be learned in that environment. Now, he said, it’s time to get serious. “With your mission behind you, it’s time to look for an eternal companion; someone with whom you will spend the rest of your life and all eternity.” This, he explained, begins with dating but should eventually lead to courtship.

My dad gave me some more advice (some of it very specific), and I did my best to listen and to take it in. The counsel from my mission president, Gordon C. Peters, to prayerfully pursue the course of marriage and thereby fulfill my priesthood duty was still ringing in my ears. I knew I had work to do, and yet I still felt very awkward, socially. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go out on dates, let alone COURT someone!

This is why I felt a quite uncomfortable when my dad then told me that he had set me up with one of his former students for the coming weekend! My first post-mission date is going to be a blind date!? Well, I went on that date (which is another story for another time), and I didn’t die. I didn’t marry that girl, either. (Frankly, I believe I acted so ill at ease that she likely would not have accepted a second date…even if I had mustered the courage to ask!) But, I began the learning process; I began to change my focus from ‘hanging out’ to dating that leads to courting. There is a BIG difference.

In time, I began to feel more adjusted socially, and I met and courted some remarkable young women. I felt the Spirit guide me as I prayerfully made the most important decision of my life, and I was eventually led to Brooke Ann Ballif. In my personal journal, on Christmas Day in 1995, I recorded the following just a few days after meeting Brooke:

“I need to end this entry right now—it’s time for cake and ice cream. Before I close, however, I want to write down the person who most inspired this entry. Her name is Brooke—Brooke Ballif. I met her last week, and I can’t stop thinking about her. She is amazing. She is so kind, humble, intelligent, beautiful, funny, and Christ-like. She has really made an impression on me, and it’s one that I don’t think will wear off soon. I have dated several girls in the last little while, but none have made an impact on me like Brooke. I’m anxious to see what the future holds. I think she might be an answer to my prayers.”

The rest, as they say, is history. But ours is a history in the making. A history which, in at least in one sense, all started with some proper courting.

To the post-mission men, may I suggest trying your hand at courting. (No, I do not mean playing basketball—although I enjoy that, too.) In the words of Elder Oaks, “Men, if you have returned from your mission and you are still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to follow when you were 15, it is time for you to grow up” (CES Fireside for Young Adults, May 1, 2005). To the young single adult women, be patient with the men. Live worthy of a temple marriage, be prayerful, and don’t lose faith. As President Hinckley has said, “It all works out….It will all work out” (Jordan Utah South Regional Conference, Priesthood Session, 1 Mar. 1997).

Love,
Brother McLay